I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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