I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
