I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
