I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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