He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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