So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
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i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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