Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
