I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
