she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
