i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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