so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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