umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
