You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
