I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
