found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
