I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
pop tarts are not kleenex
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
