his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
