There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
