I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
operation have a gay friend backfired
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you had me at cake vodka
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
