how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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