U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
