I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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