I look better un-naked...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
