Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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