OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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