I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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