stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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