you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
