singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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