Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
