Apparently you make a good broom.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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