There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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