i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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