biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
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you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
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Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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