I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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