You're my little dorito
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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