It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
