Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
