And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm passing your future prison.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
