omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
