We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
