you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
