Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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