i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
