On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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