I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
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Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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