Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
