question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
