mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?