I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.