Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.