did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
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the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
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He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in