you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.