so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i love accidental penises.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
is wine microwaveable?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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