Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
