Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
