I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
