maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
