My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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