I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
