forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
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