I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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