I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
