dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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