he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
