I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
