So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
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Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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