Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
