legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
