Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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