After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
