I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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