So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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