That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
