Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize