I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
lets start a swedish sibling band together
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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