Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
