how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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