PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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