If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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