His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
