Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
